Cool! I'm a better person than Michael Bates...

Conservative blogger/hot air blower Michael Bates is proof that blogging is simply a high-tech way to waste people's time.

Check out Bates' latest post. Therein, Bates waxes nostalgic on the eateries around 61st and Peoria. What has him thinking about that part of town? Is it the changing landscape? Is it new developments?

No, it's a stabbing. A man, a solider no less, was stabbed in the leg overnight, and Bates comments on the awful incident by saying, "Taco Mayo, KFC, Sonic and Lot-A-Burger were on Peoria."

Seriously? A man preparing to head overseas and fight to defend American ideals is critically wounded before he even leaves the state, and the best Bates can do is muse over eateries? And crappy eateries at that? Local Table is just down the road, why didn't he ponder that place instead of freaking KFC?!?!

Now, don't misunderstand, I know fully well the DB! is a hack job. I'm putting free time to use while filling back matter for the day I finally find a purpose for this silly little piece of Internet space. I have no honest dreams of merit, no delusions that my words are anything more than nonsensical amusement. But I've met Bates. He seems to earnestly believe he matters in the grand scheme, and that his words have power. He is a respected local upstart in many circles, and some news people (not FOX23, thank God) actually turn to him on purpose for insight and commentary.

So, how does he spend his social capital? He blabbers on about fast food joints. And what made him think about local junk food peddlers? A stabbing. A knife slices into skin, muscle, and sinew, and Bates uses it to remember KFC. And Taco Mayo. Seriously? Taco Mayo. The taco place that makes Taco Bell look "classy." Wow, the words "pontificating jackass" never seemed so poignant.

Stay away from Michael Bates, and don't ever read his words. The DB! is dumb sometimes, sure, but at least it's dumb on purpose. Batesline is dumb without even realizing it.

And that makes it the dumbest of all.
-h

House-cleaning...

I'm single-handedly keeping the Kleenex company in business. Around the newsroom, it may be suggested that I do this through constant use of their fine paper products on my person. This week I am particularly in need of their tender goodness. However, my newsroom brethren would be wrong. I keep the company in business through the delicate art of toiletpaperin', where full rolls of the satiny soft substance are used to decorate homes and trees in my neighborhood.

...

I really need to stop using the prescription cough syrup before work.


File Under:

Stuff you can't afford: Your own luxury submarine!

Not quite science: G4 is reporting that wine and marijuana may help with Alzheimer's. Besides being the first time the wacky weed has been associated with helping memory, this report has an overall feeling of being less-than-official. I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps it has something to do with it being reported by the freakin' video game channel. Just a theory...

Weird inventions: This is actually useful for people in tiny apartments; an adjustable, movable desk. However, since all my readers (read: both of them) are in Tulsa, where even the studio apartments are upwards of 1200 square feet, it seems a little pointless.

Fake news: Our dearly beloved President Bush has some closing thoughts.

What recession?!: Dr. Dre has released professional-quality headphones with a pricetag of $150. However, the only people who can afford to blow that kind of money on headphones already have a pair. They got them last time they were in the studio with Dre.

Everything's better with facial hair: For the follicle-challenged, I offer you a free beard. With styles to choose from!

Finding a purpose, and a little about the editors

So, Mike called me out on the inane nonsense that has dominated this blog as of late. He read an entry, forwarded to him via Scott the Evil Producer, and mocked me mildly for its contents. He's right, I've been slipping, and what was once a proud and beautiful place to learn of the behind-the-scenes goings on of the news industry has devolved into my own platform for bad jokes, inter-office abuse, and links to junk you don't care about anyway.

So, let's talk about FOX23 News Daybreak. Today I want to tell you about the editors, Henry and Steven. These two guys are some of the first people I see in the morning, and their work and mine overlap many times over the course of the morning.

Editors are responsible for cutting the video and audio content to fit the needs of the show's script. This means seamlessly blending pieces of video together, making sure audio doesn't run too long or too short, and ensuring that every time the anchors are talking about something, you're seeing it (and not something else!) on screen. It's a busy and thankless job, and you'll hear "I need an editor to call the control room!" hollered over the PA system at least once most days. What you don't hear a lot of is, "Good job, Henry." So, let me go ahead and say it. Good job, Henry, and good job, Steven. You guys rock.

I see other editors over the course of the day, Winking and Newbury come to mind, but they're not on Daybreak, and this is a Daybreak blog, so we will conveniently ignore them. Maybe if Mike every starts his own blog (The 5and9!) he can talk about them.

And now we return to our regularly scheduled nonsense.

FILE UNDER:

Inflation:
You can now wrap your gifts in legal currency! These sheets of 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, and even 50 dollar bills cost more than a stack of the same number of bills. However, if you're wrapping your gifts in money, you don't care how much it costs. Also, you're probably an idiot.

80s video games rock:
Remember those awesome Nintendo games when you were a kid? Or maybe you were a 20-something? Heck, I don't know how old my readership is. Pre-school? anyway, here's some of the best poor translations from the old NES days.

Vinyl is making a comeback:
I guess Sleevefacers are some kind of new "too much time on my hands" movement, where people stand behind album covers and make it look like it's them on the cover! Or something! I don't really get it, but it's cool to look at.

Drinks on me:
Apparently, December 1st was National Bloody Mary day. Of course, it was probably overshadowed by World AIDS Day. How dare a worldwide movement to raise awareness of the tragedy of AIDS host its day on the same day as some tomato-based drink. Priorities, people! Okay, honestly, having a day for a drink is idiotic, and I hope you all donate to an AIDS charity. Once you've done that, though, have a drink.

Play some tunes:
Paste Magazine, which I've never heard of and is probably not about eating paste, has a best of 2008 music list. My version of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" did not make the list. However, other bands did.

The most depressing thing involving plumbers I've ever seen:
Words cannot describe the LSD-infused insanity of this artwork. Look at your own risk.

I have 4 vacation days!

So, earlier this year, FOX23 was bought by one large company from another large company. That's about all you need to know to understand the rest of this post.

Anyway, I have four vacation days left that I have to use before the end of the year, or else I will lose them all to the vacation day Valhalla. That's Norse for H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. So, if I'm suddenly absent, it's because I took them.

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Just kidding. I'm not taking them today.

I'm making some changes today. I'm enjoying my labeled links so much, I'm adding a bunch more. Also, instead of just screaming LINKS everytime we segue to our links section, I'm going to call it something new. You'll see changes in the coming days. Or not. Who knows. I've got vacation time. I' m sort a dun karing rite now n E way. hwfufbugrjkdf jkfe feifa b ianb api

LINKS!
oh, wait, we're not doing that anymore. How about....

FILE UNDER:

Smart people being stupid:
It's official, the US is in a recession, and has been since December '07. I love that it took almost a year for the National Bureau of Economic Research to figure out what every woman who drives a mini-van could have told you 6 months ago. Prices up? Wages down? Everyone scrounging for change? Recession. And I did that with a journalism degree. I officially refute economics on principle.

Fake news:
Speaking of you money, American Airlines will now be getting more of it! Lots more!

Winter Wonderland!:
This awesome sled works in winter or all year long. The secret is in not caring if you look dumb sledding in July.

Scott Pilgrim Watch:
Volume 5 of the seminal graphic novel series was finally solicited this month. In honor of its impending greatness, here's a classic scene from volume 3.

Scott's iPhone Needs:
This device, which will tell him how green he's being. Considering the guy smokes non-filtered cigarettes while riding cattle around the newsroom, towing his Humvee, I don't think he's going to do very well.

This Week in Batman:
Nothing! But considering he "died" last week, I imagine they need a week off.

Gobble gobble gobble!

This is my favorite time of the year in the news business. Things are a little more light-hearted. Breaking news tends to be more infrequent. Silliness abounds. It's awesome.

For instance, today they taped a segment where Ron calls the Butterball hotline. Now, first things first, did you even know Butterball had a hotline? I sure didn't. Furthermore, do you know why people would even call it? I didn't. But now I do, and it was fun to watch Ron cut up a bit while dealing with Butterball reps and their awesome hold music! Although, admittedly, they played "Chocolate Rain," in the booth during the segment. I doubt that's what was really on the hold music.

I'm off tomorrow. Yahoo! So, when you see Sharon live somewhere (I know where, but you have to wait to find out) it's not my handiwork you see. It's Henry's. So, thank Henry.

Thanks, Henry!

Me? I'll be home sleeping. Or cooking. Some silly people are trusting me to make Thanksgiving dinner. Listen, you read my blog. Would you trust me to cook? I wouldn't, and I KNOW me.

Okay, let's get on to the links. However, before we start, I just want to wish all 5 of you who read this blog a safe and happy Thanksgiving. I hope you take a moment and consider what you're thankful for. Me? I'm thankful for Mike and Scott and Lee and Carrie and Sharon and Brian and Andrea and Lydia and Amanda and Henry and Stephen and Ron and Ann and LaDonna and Billy and Todd and Holly and Jeff and Taylor and Abbie and Kaci and everybody else. Pretty much all of FOX23. They rock. Most of all, I'm thankful for you, dear reader. You're the reason I'm doing this.

Well, okay, you and because Scott tells me I have to.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

And now, links!

Need an easy stuffing recipe? Here you go!

Wow. I never thought I needed to know how to make a stuffed Bantha, but I also didn't think I'd ever be thankful for Scott. Live and learn.

Scott's iPhone needs: to be a Blackberry Storm!

You know what? That's it. Turkey's a'callin'.
-h

Epic fail!

One of my favorite responsibilities is monitoring the other networks. Typically, I use their websites to do this, since in these days of breaking news the Internet has become the best place to bring news to the public right freaking now. However, in the rush to get it first, people often forget to get it right. I know, you'd think that would be priority #1. Often not so much.

Example: I see a story on a competitors website. Mike and I sent a photographer to the scene of the story earlier this morning, but the info on the competitors site is different than what our photographer got. So, Mike calls Tulsa PD and checks the information. Sure enough, we're right and the competition was wrong. So, Mike gets the scheudenfreudely satisfying feeling of proving the competition wrong. Sure, it's petty, but you realize we're in the news business, right? Telling the news, and telling it accurately, it's sorta what we do.

Ah, German words for "enjoy the epic fail of others." I love language. Don't you?

Anyway, links:

I find it ironic that the same day Scott the Evil Producer gives me more grief than usual about smoking is the same day CNN posts a story about a pill that may be as useful as Chemo in lung cancer patients. I won't be quitting this week. Hey, Scott, want a smoke? It's never too late to start!

Okay, here's a fun two-parter for you folks at home.
Here's how to properly handle a bridge.
And here's how NOT to.
See, The DB! Fun AND educational!

Lydia loves Star Trek: But she also loves Harry Potter!

Scott's iPhone Needs: To tell him when he's drunk. This isn't a joke, either. It's a deep, heartfelt attempt to help get him sober. All morning long I see him throwing back shots of hard liquor. Oftentimes, he is slurring his speech so bad the other producers can't understand. Just yesterday, he hurled on my desk. Hello? Is anybody buying any of this? Not a word? You think I'm just trying to get him in trouble? Fine.... Stupid precedent...

Holy Geez! It's a mutant! But it's a cute kitty mutant! That's a little bit better, right?

The Onion finally has a pharmaceutical designed just for me. And goth chicks.

Do you hate the Star Wars prequels? Yeah, most of us thinking, feeling humans do, and here's some more awesome reasons why!

If this wallpaper is even remotely affordable, I'm buying it.

No Batman this week. Although issue #681 comes out this week. Did you see that? 681?!?! There's more issues of Batman than countries in the world. More than combined dates of everyone I know. More than the amount of times women have swooned for Antonio Banderas. More than the number of husbands Elizabeth Taylor had.

But there's not, however, more issues of Batman than reasons Scott is evil. Not even close.

Linkstravaganza!

Oy vey! It's been a week around here. Breaking news abounds, Mike was sick yesterday, and there's a slim chance Katie may kill me. Of course, it's only Thursday, so it could still get infinitely worse.

So, in lieu of hanging myself with my own words, here's a million links to check out! If you need me, you'll find me under a desk, praying, and probably weeping.

Girl lives for months without a heart! Whether or not she's the tinman, undetermined.

China denies stealing US space secrets. Of course, admitting to stealing space secrets probably wouldn't be the best course of action. Typically, when stealing, it is wise to deny.

China moves to stem mass layoffs. I don't believe it. They like to lie.

Speaking of things I don't believe, atheists are running wild in America.

Russia says they see a chance to repair ties with the US. Um, let's see, you guys are the ones causing trouble, so of course you see the chance to repair. Reminds me of the guy who used to beat me up in gym class telling me he could help me with self-defense. Man, I hated that guy.

The Roots may be the new band on "Late Night." And in the process, lose all credibility!

Scott's iPhone needs: Some of these apps to be real!

Finally, a way to properly store pizza in a fridge. You know, just in case plates, tupperware, saran wrap, or tin foil are unavailable...

Tilt-Shift photography is all the rage. Um... I don't know how to make jokes about photography.

Recession hasn't got you down? Then waste some money on this, a caution sign poseable statue!

File under: Sarah Palin's dream come true. Drill, baby, drill.

But let's not leave out Tina Fey. Here's an option in case those black-frame glasses feel a little boring.

This week I'm obsessed with Bento! These two geeked out examples are why.

Lydia loves Star Trek: But the real question remains; does she know these facts about the new movie?!

All the recalls lately reminded me of this classic Onion article. Enjoy!

Going to see Twilight this weekend? Better bring this...

'Meh' added to the dictionary. Ironically, 'illiterate' and 'moron' removed.

The new GnR album drops this weekend. Chuck Klosterman has a review, and it's better than you'd think. Actually, EW, Rolling Stone, the Telegraph, and Time all seem to like it. Wait, what? Seriously? Wow....

Of course, you don't have to take their words for it. Check it out yourself here!

Finally, this week in Batman, I've got two of my favorite things together. Prince and the Bat-Family, living in perfect harmony.

Change you can believe in...

So, I'm excited about the new president. I'm excited about the new Star Trek movie. Of course, I'm excited about new menu items at Taco Bueno, which proves I'm easy to excite. However, I'm even more excited by the changes afoot here at the DB!, where in the spirit of these other changes, I'm going to make some of my own.

First and foremost, I'm renaming my iPhone App section, from the previously titled Scott's-iPhone-Makes-Me-Burn-With-A-Jealous-Rage-That-
Consumes-All-In-Its-Path-And-Reduces-All-Living-Things-
Including-Kittens-To-Dust, or whatever I called it, to Scott's iPhone Needs, so that after the colon I can simply write a link that answers the question and provides information.

For example:

Scott's iPhone Needs: Nudity!

Sorry, nothing to link to there. Maybe next time.

Also, I like that when abbreviated, the words spell SiN, which is what fuels Scott and his evil machinations, so it's all fitting into place.

Furthermore, I have solidified This Week in Batman as a recurring feature, and added a new feature in lieu of Lydia, our resident Star Trek fan.

So, no matter what you're interested in, the DB! is here to satiate you. Well, unless you want to talk about news. In that case you are SOL, buddy.....

What? Todd wants to talk to me? About what? oooooooohhhhhhh........


* A cure for AIDS?!?!?!?! Hang on, let me look out the window. Nope, there's not thousands upon thousands of people having sex in the street, so it must be a false alarm, or at the very least a bit premature.

What? Todd wants to talk to me, again?

* An unreleased Beatles track?!?!?!?!?!??! Hang on, let me look out the window. Nope, there's not thousands of people...... oh, you get the idea. This one may actually see mass production soon, though...

* Want that satisfying feeling of popping edamame out of the pod without all that pesky eating? Want, no more!

* Have no idea what edamame is? I'm here to help.

* Speaking of wikis, the one for the Colossus of Rhodes is pretty cool. See, the DB! is fun AND educational!

Okay, let's do the new stuff:

Scott's iPhone Needs: Several useless apps that are still too cheap not to buy!

Lydia Loves Star Trek: She's bound to love these light switch covers, which she can use to turn the lights off when she watches the trailer for the new Star Trek movie! Set phasers to squeeee!

This Week in Batman: Neil Gaiman, also known as the comic book writer novel fans think is cool, gets interviewed about his plans to write the "last Batman story." Right, and Superman's death took, too.

Finally, it was four years ago last week when we lost ODB. Let us remember him in his own words:

"I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Wu-Tang is for the children. We teach the children. Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is the best. I want you all to know that this is ODB, and I love you all. Peace!"

Truer words were never spoken.

A juggling act....

We're one of the few stations that combine assignment desk duties with liveshot duties. Most stations relegate live shot control to a musty, dusty back room, or a forgotten basement, or a shakey tower perched precariously above a moat. Or some fourth thing. But not us. We're rebels, and we laugh in the face of convention.

So, today, Mike and I juggled assignment editing with liveshot coordinating. It made for a fun hour, you call it 11am, where we were talking to Lee in the field, gathering information on various stories, while tuning in a microwave shot so he could beam back video and sound he's shot over the course of the day. Success is judged by how efficiently things get done, or at least it is in this blog post. We were successful. Lee fed back video of a house fire, gave us the details, fed back video and audio shot earlier of the food bank in North Tulsa, and then headed off to Jenks West Elementary for more video and audio.

Mike and I make a pretty good team, pretty much for this reason. We can juggle various responsibilities while stepping in and out of each other's way as needed. It's why this assignment desk functions pretty flawlessly most of the time, and it's why the rest of the room doesn't really give us any grief.

Or I'm completely in the dark and have no idea what's going on, but definitely one of the two.

* Mere days after Prop 8 turned thousands of married gay couples into simply "roommates" Connecticut throws it's hat into the gay marriage ring. I feel a mass exodus from CA to CT coming on. You'll be able to see them all on I-40 any day now.

* Wondering when the recently passed Tulsa Street Plan will hit your neighborhood? Wonder no more.

* Wanna see the world's most expensive animal crackers? Warning: They're doing it.

* Sean Kleefield has gathered all the election day newspaper and online comic strips. Where? Here.

* Scott's still buzzing about his iPhone, and I'm still barely containing my rage. However, it has led to the creation of a new feature here on The DB!, the "I Hate Scott's iPhone App Update." Today's IHSiAU: Use your iPhone to control the lights in your home.

Monday mutterings...

So, admittedly, my blogging may have been less than consistent last week. I have good reasons, though. I was knee deep in the new world order, a crazy place where Obama is President-elect, and Scott still works here. Oh well, I suppose half a victory is a victory nonetheless.

Scott got an iPhone last week. I know this because he comes by my desk every 45 seconds to show me the latest "app" he's downloaded. I've watched him find restaurants here in town, scratch a pseudo-turntable over his favorite hip-hop hits, and light a fake Zippo and offer to light my cigarette. I want an iPhone, I admit it, but only after they develop the app that creates an electric fence around my person, or sends out an EMP to make Scott's iPhone useless. Zap, pow, oh, I'm sorry, did your iPhone just become a paperweight? So sad....

* Winter's here, or at least it's on its way. I know this because I am cold and miserable, and not just the usual cold and miserable that comes with being bald, skinny, and cynical. It's a whole new cold and miserable, and it makes me wish there was snow so I could ball some up and chuck it at somebody. Oh, wait, nevermind, problem solved.

* George W. Bush is the most unpopular person on the planet. Okay, perhaps that honor still belongs to Snidely Whiplash, but surely George is 2nd.

* The Space Station is getting some improvements. Among the list of important additions, a system to turn urine into drinking water. Also on the list, a way to make me no longer want to be an astronaut.

* Finally, Obama is a superhero. Here's proof. Congratulations, Sir, and good luck.

AND MY ENDORSEMENT GOES TO..........

I wanted to endorse Batman, but that just seemed silly. After all, between fighting the Riddler, running Wayne Industries, and being a billionaire playboy with women constantly on either arm, how exactly would he have time to run the country? Also, rooftop battles with the Manbat would be a lot cooler than budget meetings, and keeping the Joker off the streets is a much better use of time than lengthy state dinners. So, Batman cannot receive my endorsement.

So, who should you vote for? Well, in all honestly, that's your decision, but I'd like to help you make it a little more intelligently. Check out Factcheck.org for accurate information on the candidates. After all, you have to vote today. Seriously, you need to get out there and exercise your right as an American and earn that democracy that you take for granted so easily the rest of the time. At the same time, however, voting blindly for whomever the loudest screaming crazy outside the polling place is endorsing just doesn't seem smart. You need to know why you're voting for a particular candidate. "Paul Tay said so," just isn't going to cut it.

However, my opinion is perfect, so feel free to vote for whomever I tell you to vote for. And I'd like to give my endorsement now.

This candidate has remained under the radar for most of the election. However, he has consistently emerged at the most inopportune times to constantly aggravate me and fuel my burning rage. He is educated and skilled, but somehow has let those important elements fall to the wayside in lieu of a need to harass and malign my every move. He is Evil, truly a wicked man bent on upsetting the delicate nature of my day-to-day employment. So, I need to get him out of here.

That is why I'm endorsing SCOTT LEVY, EP (EVIL PRODUCER) for President. I have no idea whether he will make a good president, but I need him to not be here anymore, and locking him in the Oval Office for the next four years will be a perfect way to accomplish this task.

Have a wonderful day, Tulsa, and help make my dream a reality.

All the best,
Hilton

This is Halloween... This is Halloween....

I've got the song from "Nightmare Before Christmas" stuck in my head. I'm in an exceptionally good mood, probably due in no small part to the unending amount of sugary sweets I have ingested in the past 24 hours.

You see, newspeople are big snackers. We crunch and munch all day long, which is interesting if you think about it, because most of us are amazingly trim. Well, at least I am, I can't really make promises about the rest of the staff. But the big question is, how do we stay so svelte despite the constant eating?

Now, me personally, I made a deal with the Devil; my eternal soul in exchange for the body of a Grecian God. The anchors and reporters, however, probably just work out.

Okay, this is going nowhere, so here's some local links. You see, Oklahoma Magazine, a fine publication that inexplicably has yet to ask for my writing submissions, recently compiled a list of the best Oklahoma blogs. It's a great article, despite the one glaring oversight. You see, the DB!, the world's greatest collection of nonsensical ramblings, was left off the list. Perhaps I'm too new, and they're worried I may not stick around. Perhaps they're biased against tiny bald men. Perhaps they simply don't know. However, considering Ben the Breakfast Blogger in Chicago can give me some 'props,' I'm a little disappointed in my Oklahomies.

Anyway, here's some of my favorite local links.

First, Oklahoma Rock is Ryan LaCroix's love letter to local music. Besides being bald and awesome, like your other favorite blogger, LaCroix is informed and passionate about the Oklahoma music scene, and he shares his wisdom with you!

Second, La Vida Skeeter is a locally produced webcomic about the lives of mosquitoes. It's well drawn and quite funny, and created by FOX23's own photojournalist, Lee Carter.

Third, DJ Erb is a mash-em-up DJ who mixes and mashes all sorts of music styles to create grand new compositions. He has mad skillz, as the kids say, so check out his stuff!

Here's some other nonsense from around your world. Have a safe and happy Halloween, and write Oklahoma Magazine and tell them how much you love me.

* David Tennant is out as the Doctor! Doctor who? Exactly.

* Build your own Haunted Mansion. Instead of making you buy the game, Disney is letting you download and build your own! So, it's like getting something, and doing all the work, all at the same time. And no, this won't count as "worked for Disney" on your resume.

* It's not too late to embarrass your dog, and your whole family, this Halloween!

* Now, personally, I'm voting for Paul Tay for president, but in case you're considering one of the other two, here's a little insight into one of their family happenings.

* A pic from the new Ron Howard/Tom Hanks sacreligious film 'Angels and Demons,' which, despite the title, does not actually have angels or demons in the film. Just a bunch of Catholics.

* Boston is the biggest sissy city on the planet. Proof here. Old proof here. I actually lived in Boston when the city went nuts over the Aqua Teen ads. As a huge supporter of Aqua Teen and malarkey in general, I was pleased.

Okay, I'm wrapping this up. I have to go find white dye for my eyebrows. No, this has nothing to do with Halloween. Why do you ask?

*yawn*

I'm so tired. It's common for all of us who work on Daybreak, the greatest show in the known universe. We all rise at 3am or earlier, and meander in to make a show in the wee hours of the morning. So, tiredness pervades us like plague, except in the winter, when it is actual plague that pervades us like plague.

However, news never sleeps, although some might argue that here in Tulsa it tends to catnap around 2am. For instance, while most Tulsans were sleeping, Tulsa police were dealing with a shooting involving one of their own officers. Of course, Sharon, star reporter, was live on the scene all morning, with Brian working the camera. Later on, Carrie and Lee went live from a costume shop.

Officer involved shooting. Costumes! We like to diversify.

Mike's on vacation the first half of this week, which means my days have been busy from start to finish. Right as I finish up with my Daybreak peeps, I'm thrust into the morning meeting to help organize crews for the 5pm newscast. Now, it isn't that I don't like the 5, I really do. The crews and producer and everyone else are an awesome bunch, but my heart belongs to Daybreak, and I'm always happier (and better rested) on the days when the end of Daybreak means a late-morning of scanner-listening, DVD-dubbing, and generally doing whatever Mike tells me to do (within reason.) These days of actual working and involvement and (shudder) concern for 9 hours straight.... not my favorite.

I'm probably just being grumpy. I am, after all, tired, and despite my whining, working with such a great bunch keeps me sharp and focused and waking my happy self up at 3am everyday.

I had something else, but zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

* Oh, this is fun! 10 very good reasons to grow a beard. Not included: soup strainer!

* Actual news, sorta! Here's a story, pic included, about a giant spider that ate a whole bird. It doesn't discuss, however, how this affront unto nature will slowly spiral the natural order of society out of control until we're all doomed. Doomed!

* Another day, another story about how the coming robot army will enslave us all. Yawn.

* Batman! Obama! Vote next Tuesday!

* Now you can learn your ABCs using Star Wars characters! L is for Lucas, who wants all your money. M is for Marketing, which the series has devolved into. N is for No More, please God, No More.....

* The Flaming Lips made a movie!

* Marvel Comics is giving their Black Panther character a new look by making him a her. In other news, Marvel Comics has completely run out of ideas. Case in point, She-Hulk and She-Thing.

* Creepy tennis ball thing holds your towel, makes guests uncomfortable.

VR is dead! long live VR!

I'm not an engineer, my daily manipulation of microwave receiver dishes notwithstanding. I have a degree in professional writing, my blog posts notwithstanding. The point is, when the VR went down today, I didn't know what to do to fix it, how to help in the interim, and exactly what it did in the first place.

Instead of a quick lesson on technical equipment of a newsroom, I opted to do something every journalist gets a chance to do at some point; whatever is needed to be done. Scott the Evil Producer was coordinating with editors, who were copying stories onto tapes to give to the directors, who were adding them to the show for the producers, who were giving cues to the anchors, who were talking to all of you like nothing in the world was wrong at all. If you were watching this morning, and I know you were because you are all awesome like that, you may have noticed a slightly different look here and there, but overall the show looked relatively normal.

Nothing was normal. Chaos was everywhere. Constant updates, everyone chipping in, and extra help at every turn. In a word; teamwork. That's how TV gets made. That's how anchors bring the news to you each morning. Coordinated, unabbreviated, unapologetic teamwork.

Things calm down, however, and fun begins anew. Sharon, with Lee today so Brian can get home at a normal hour (poor guy comes in at 11pm!) was at the Tulsa Zoo, where the talk today was about surely the next great feat in feeding primates: Monkey Chow! Now, I won't be trying that simian slop anytime soon, but I have to admit, there was something primally delicious-looking about the whole mess. If I had something to fling, say poo for instance, in order to garner the favor of those who control the distribution of such gourmet goodness, I might have to just get a-flingin'.

Wow, that may have went too far. Here's some links to keep your mind off the flung..... stuff.

* India has gone to the moon! I understand there's some satisfaction in being a country with the ability to travel to the moon. After all, the US and the Russia have been in space so many times already it's starting to make it look like no one else is even trying. Still, the moon? Last I checked, the moon was a lifeless rock. Has that changed? No, then let's set the bar a little higher.

* French President Nicolas Sarkozy is upset over a "voodoo doll" in his image. This man leads one of the most important countries in the world. It seems silly for him to care about this. Okay, maybe France isn't one of the most important countries in the world. How about "one of the most important countries that touches Spain." That will work.

* The Austrian man who was found with his own 24-year old daughter imprisoned in his basement says he was "born to rape." I'm okay with this, as long as I'm allowed to be "born to kick his ass."

* This may be why there are no red folders in the newsroom.

* Chinese Democracy is coming! Oh, no, I'm sorry, I don't mean the important and necessary change in government half a world away. I just mean some lousy Guns n' Roses album. Sorry for the confusion.

* Need a fun Halloween recipe? Try these yummy mummys!

* This week in Batman: Someone builds important scenes from the life of Harvey "Two-Face" Dent in Lego!

Back in the saddle...

There's a weird disconnect that sets in once you've immersed yourself in news only to be pulled away from it. Mid-Sunday, I began to lose a battle against the ghost of a cow determined to punish me on behalf of his bovine brethren. This loss carried through Monday, and I spent the day away from my most favorite place in the whole world, the FOX23 newsroom.

Coming in this morning, I was inundated with countless emails and RSS Feed updates. Quickly overwhelmed, I retreated under my desk and wept.

Eventually, the tears passed, and I began to make sense of the news I had missed. For instance, of course, there was this story, where Tulsa Police shot and killed a car thief. There's also this Solving Problems story, about preventing Identity Theft. There's more, but I have a DIY Mega Man costume I want to show you. The point is, news always happens, problems always need solving, and missing a day means missing so much more than just a day. Lucky for you, my Internet-surfing brethren, FOX23.com is just a few clicks away, keeping you in the loop on Tulsa's most important stories.

In other news, we received an email on Cloud 9, a local gentleman's club, and how the practices therein may not be the most above-the-board. Of course, we dispatched several crews and went live all morning, talking about how a strip club may, in fact, be a shady place to be.

No, we didn't. But we did laugh about it. A lot. We're not going to waste your time. If you think there's some less-than-stellar activity going on at a local "gentleman's" club, you don't have inside information, you simply have eyes.

Now, onto the Mega Man costume:

It's right here! See, when I was 11, I wanted to be Mega Man for Halloween. Now, my mom didn't have this handy how-to, and I had to be a lame skeleton instead. So, for all you moms out there who want to be cool, save this information!

A study in LA finds cops there stopping more African-Americans than Caucasians. Not studied: how this study could have been conducted by simply "asking around." Also not studied: how many white people actually call themselves "caucasians."

The Army working on telepathy. Next up, the new don't-ask-don't-tell-don't-even-think-it policy.

This is fun. Americans are angry, worried... I love when commas are used in story headlines, to make ideas sound more important. It's the equivalent of me saying "I went to the store, bank, gas station, your girlfriend's house, Taco Bueno, newsroom. Dude, the word "and" was invented for a reason. Commas are great, you may have noticed my affinity, but let's try not to sound too smart for our own good.

Hand signals replace common decency! This looks fun. I'm sure that middle finger setting will never be used.

Got an STD?! Responsibility is not your problem anymore! Now you can send anonymous emails to let people know you may have ruined their lives.

Let's take it from the top...

FOX23 News Daybreak airs Monday through Friday, from 5am to 9am, central time. Anchors Ann Sterling and Ron Terrell are joined by meteorologists Paul Heggen or Michael Seger as they bring you the day's top stories from around Tulsa and beyond. Star reporters Sharon Phillips and Carrie Netherton are often live around Tulsa, covering both serious news events and light-hearted local features. Behind the scenes, a large crew of production and news personnel work together to create each show. Finally, there's you, the humble and diligent viewer, whom we hope we are serving to the best of our ability everyday.

Beyond our interest in bringing viewers the most up-to-date information on breaking news and weather events, as well as solving problems plaguing the community, FOX23 News also recognizes the need to stay in contact with the community in a variety of ways. Our reporters, anchors, and meteorologists are often seen around town at various events. They talk to students at schools, attend fund-raisers, and sometimes just find a chance to hang out and talk to viewers. We're not only here to inform, we want to be a part of your community.

So, tune in to FOX23 News Daybreak every weekday morning to see vibrant personalities tell the most important stories of the day, and be sure to look for us around town. Also, we can be found online on social networking site Facebook, and of course at our website, www.fox23.com

Finally, there's the DB! Born of my incessant need to talk at length about as much nonsense as possible, the powers that be (Scott the Evil Producer) decided I should write a blog that is in (loose) connection with our program. I've attempted to use this space for a variety of things; to promote our show and website, to point out weird and interesting stories from around the glob, and to let viewers take an inside peek into our world.

Finally, I use this space to wage war against Scott the EP, who is wicked and must be destroyed. Most days you will learn how he works to foil my good mood, and how daily battle must ensue to keep him from gaining any true power. Luckily, my cause is just, and I am aided by all who hear my cries.

So, dear reader, I ask you to aid me in this quest. Watch FOX23. We are awesome. Say hi to Ann, Ron, and the rest of the gang if you see them around town. They are awesome. Check us out on Facebook, at FOX23.com, and here at the DB! The Internet is awesome. Finally, if you see Scott the EP, show him no mercy in feeling the wrath of your unending anger. Let him know how you support me and the DB! and how you will not stand for his constant evil and wily ways. He must be stopped. Please help.

But in the meantime, links!

* FOX23 has been busy over the past day. A shooting this morning, one last night, stories on education, bond issues, cyber-bullying, and the economy kept the gang busy. Check them out, so we can keep those paychecks coming!

* If you happen to live in South Carolina, you may not need to pay for your pizza.

* The man responsible for the main character in the movie "Casino" has died. No word on whether "heart attack" is code for "bomb in his car."

* The new Star Trek movie is getting lots of buzz today, as new pictures are available online. Instead of linking to those, which are available practically everywhere else, here's the wiki on the franchise's darkest moment.

* Classic gaming chic is in high gear. Now you can have crappy 80's graphics on your wall!

* Here's some fun art reimagining the Star Wars universe with a Steampunk theme! For more info on Steampunk, a concept that seems to only truly matter to about a half dozen people in Bristol, England, check this out!

* Now this is cool. A time line of Internet nonsense. Anyone else remember the Hamster Dance?!

* The Jim Henson Company is considering making a murder mystery. And my childhood ends.... now.

* Happy birthday, Sega CD!

* Ecstacy found in a Playstation 2! Playstation 3, on the other hand, is still sorta lame.

* Despite being a total tool, this guy has a cool story on how to get out of speeding tickets.

* Donkey Kong Jenga! Just like regular Jenga, except more expensive and with more pieces to lose!

* South Korea makes robots that can dance and do chores! Why doesn't anyone realize how badly this is going to end. Obviously, I'm the only one who saw "I, Robot." Hang on, let me check the earnings. Yes, I am the only one who saw "I, Robot."

* Kangaroos may be wiped out by global warming! Somewhere, a penguin is laughing.

* Finally, a comparison of George W. Bush and Batman. On one hand, I'm dissatisfied with the president. On the other hand, I do love Batman. I'm so confused.

Notoriety!

Well, the wily Evil Producer has paid me back in spades for my assault on his character yesterday. He was boothing the 7am show, because Lydia had to do the 5 and 6 because Andrea was out sick. (An aside: Feel better, Andrea. We miss you.) So, Scott was out of my 'hair' for a wonderful change of pace, when suddenly my desk phone rings:

Me: "FOX23! Good morning!"
Scott (Evil): "Hey buddy, are you watching the show?"
Me: "Dude, you know I can't watch the show. I have to listen to scanners."
Scott (Evil): "Well, you should watch in about 30 seconds."
Me: "So, I should forgo my job responsibilities because you have some self-serving nonsense cued up for my entertainment?"
Scott (Evil): "Just watch!"

So, I turned up the sound on the TV that monitors our show, completely disregarding scanners (and your safety,) and suddenly, there it was, the worst possible thing that could have ever possibly happened.

Ann and Ron talked about this blog on the air.

Within minutes, the phone started ringing. Viewers from all over Green Country were livid about the dangerous and surely subversive words within these postings. One woman openly wept on the phone with me for ten minutes, while an older man invented whole new obscenities to describe my Internet contribution. There was prayer for my soul, condemnation for my soul, and at least one claim that I had no soul. My words (and my soul) have never garnered this much attention.

Yesterday, life was good. I was about to become wealthy Nigerian royalty, and leave behind this crazy world of TV news. Now, not only has my identity been stolen, but my blog, the one last bastion of sanity I have in this crazy fast-paced, seat-of-your-pants world, is now open for public consumption.

So, read at your own risk. And please, send money.

* Of course, it could be worse. We could have a new co-host!

* It could also be far more embarrassing, like these Japanese commercials featuring your favorite stars!

* File under: I can't find anything else about Batman to talk about. Comic Book sales are up!

* Finally, here's a quick step-by-step to be more like me!

My last post.

Hey gang, I can't stay long today. I just got an email from a Nigerian prince, who says I'm the beneficiary of a large sum of money. I just sent him all my personal banking and social security information, which he says he needs to transfer the funds into my account. So, this will be my last post. I'm leaving the awesome but not-quite-lucrative world of television news for the greener pastures of Nigerian wealth. Don't worry, you will all see me again when I come around to buy your neighborhood.

This good news couldn't have come any sooner, as I was mere minutes away from assaulting my Evil Producer (EP) this morning. During one of my very important "mental health breaks," his wily ways led him to stuff my backpack full of office supplies. Upon my return, I opened my bag to make sure I'd brought my nutritious and delicious Easy Mac, and instead of tasty cheese-covered noodles, a host of envelopes, tape dispensers, rubber bands, and staple removers fell from the bag. There was also lipstick with Scott's name written on the tube, and a picture of Estelle Getty, whom the silly pseudo-boss has often claimed holds the key to his heart.

See that, buddy?! Stuff my bag full of junk and I will suggest you wear make-up and love Golden Girls. Don't mess with me. I'm hardcore, and soon to be rich!

Despite my impending leave from the world of TV, I give you a host of awesome links to keep yourselves busy and informed today. Enjoy!

* Mark Wahlberg can't take a joke. I watched the "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" sketch from SNL yesterday, and it is pretty funny, in a "Isn't it funny the way Wahlberg talks," sort of way. "Now let's talk to a donkey..." Classic!

* Rap "superstar" T.I. is "anxious" about prison. I'm not really up on my street slang anymore. Does "anxious" now mean "utterly terrified of what will happen to my tiny, mildly talented person amidst the cold, hard world of the American penal system?" Because, you know, it should.

* File under: In Bad Taste. Gerard Depardieu's son has died from complications from pneumonia.In other news, "My Father the Hero," now on DVD!

* John McCain quoted as saying "I'll be back," in regards to his current lower standing in the polls. Stealing a line from the Terminator isn't all that surprising for McCain. Both are seemingly indestructible machines long past their prime, which can only be destroyed, truly destroyed, by taking a bath in molten metal.

* Ringo will no longer answer fan mail. The former and, if I may be so bold, LEAST POPULAR Beatle, has claimed he is "too busy" to take the time and show a little respect to the fans who've kept his torch burning for decades. I guess that All Starr Band of his is doing really well. What's that? You've never heard of his other band? Shocking...

* Toyota creates weird, creepy walking robot suits. We're only a few steps away from that final battle in Aliens, and I for one can't wait!

* Sharks now have not one, but two Jesuses. Jesi?

* Come get drunk with me next weekend! Also, cheese!

* Wait, I mean, don't drink! It's bad for you!

* Check out the Internet instead!

Answering your questions!

People ask me all the time, "What are Ann and Ron really like?"

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. All news anchors are actually lifelike robots, powered by tiny nuclear reactors, and steered by remote-control from a dark and musky cave in the back of the newsroom we call "the booth."

None of this is true, but it's a far more fun answer than "They're both really nice and pretty much as friendly and personable as they appear on screen." That's the truth.

I'll exemplify. There was a day back in June where some madness abounded here in the newsroom. People were freaking out, voices were raised, there may have been obscenities bandied about like verbal darts. Amidst this chaos, I stood at the desk, looking tiny and fearful. Ron walked over and started talking to me, making sense of the madness, and assuring me that everything would be okay.

He didn't have to do that. He's a prominent television personality. I'm the guy who harasses cops and fetches guests. On the television news playing field, it's the equivalent of the lion saying supportive things to the lowly Kiwi. So, next time you're watching FOX23 News Daybreak, which I know you watch everyday because you are awesome, and you wonder if Ann and Ron are as cool as they seem on TV, the answer is yes. They are.

However, I will let you in on one little secret. Ron wears liquid foundation.

Okay, enough behind-the-scenes for one day. Here's what matters:

* When I was a young boy, Daddy sat me down on his knee and said, "Son, if your girl is ever fighting with another woman, stay out of it." Here's why.

* On the flipside, if you yourself are fighting with your spouse, and your difficulties reach that pesky "irreconcilable" place, just move out and get an apartment. The alternative, although visually interesting, is probably not a true solution.

* Here's a hummus recipe. No reason behind it, just sounded tasty.

* More Watchmen wallpaper! Who watches your desktop?!

* The New York Times has a great story on Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips. He lives in OKC, which is now incrementally cooler due to his addition.

* Google has a way to help you stop drunk emailing. Unfortunately, Blogspot has not implemented a manner to stop drunk blogging. So, my short-lived career goes on.

* Sarah Palin to drop the puck at a hockey game. I'm not impressed. Now, if she starts a pitbulls-only dog-walking service, now that would be cool.

* National Debt Clock runs out of room to properly list national debt! Great, now who's going to pretend to hold the unaccountable accountable?

* Hamas is considering free elections! How ironic, we're toying with the idea here, too!

* Foo Fighters don't want McCain using its song! McCain has been running into this problem a lot, essentially leaving him two song choices for the rest of the campaign: "Black Sweat" by Prince and "What's Going On?" by 4 Non Blondes.

* This shirt rocks! The Empire's driving skills..... not so much.

* Speaking of the world of fashion, I finally care.

Some days are busier, part 2...

Oddly, Scott wasn't angered by the lashings I dished out in yesterday's post. I swear, that guy is like a perpetual positivity machine, always quick with a supportive statement or rhetorical pat on the back. It's enough to make me want to eat glass.

Instead of succumbing to my written abuse, he offered the constructive criticism that I should perhaps explain who everyone is before I start referring to them here on a first name basis. I think I'll handle these a few at a time, or at least until I get bored and decide to talk about Batman.

Let's start with reporter Sharon Phillips and photographer Lee Carter. Although these two don't typically work together, they were thrust together by fate this morning, with "fate" meaning "Sharon's regular photographer Brian was running prompter."

Oh, by the way, we're looking for a prompter operator. Apply within.

Anyway, Lee and Sharon were joined in the common bond of Breaking News, in a little story I call "The Vapor Cloud that Ate North Peoria!!!!" (!!!) The short version is thus: A chemical plant was transporting some hydrochloric acid. The acid reacted to being moved from the warm inside of a railway car to the cold outside of, well, outside. The reaction took the form of a large cloud of chemicals and water vapor, and hovered over north Peoria like Dracula in mist form. Tulsa Police, Fire, and Emergency Services gathered on the scene to ask one another, "What the heck is that?" Not ones to be left out, we decided to join in the fun.

Hazmat and representatives from the chemical company helped answer the ten million dollar question, and life resumed as normal. It wasn't dangerous, no evacuations were necessary, and even the section of Peoria that had been shut down during the initial scare was quickly reopened. Luckily, too, because other breaking news quickly became a concern. I may talk about that tomorrow.

However, in the meantime, links!

* Russia begins to pull back from Georgia. Augusta residents say "Thanks for taking all the gas, jerks!"

* The king of America has been found! Listen, I'm not all that jazzed about the election, either, but I highly doubt monarchy is the way to go.

* North Korea wastes perfectly good missiles. Well, that or they were trying to one-up "dynamite fishing."

* Nick Nolte has to crawl through a window to escape his burning home! Next week, Gary Busey must slice open and sleep inside the belly of a Yeti to survive an unusually cold night.

* Rentals up in these tough economic times. Oh, guys, you should have said something. You could have crashed at my place.

* Original director says new Street Fighter film should be better. "Should" be better? That's like saying Reese's Peanut Butter Cups "might" be better than losing a toe in a wood chipper.

* This one's for Katie, our 5pm producer, whom I'm convinced does not read this blog. Anyway, she thinks this is Shyamalan's worst movie, when I know perfectly well it's his best.

* Last day to sign up for the lottery to purchase tickets for Phish! Mere hours left to re-cement my hippie cred.

* Comic book writer blogs about the debate! And the award for least important commentary ever goes to....

Some days are busier than others...

Scott was giving me grief from the minute I walked in this morning.

"I'm disappointed, buddy," he said, in that I'm-your-friend-but-also-your-boss manner he has. I threw some snark back at him, he accused me of being cynical (who, me?!), and we settled into our usual push and pull relationship.

Essentially, his words were just. He was sad that I hadn't updated the blog since Thursday. Admittedly, so was I, because sitting here chatting with you folks is a heck of a lot better than some of my other responsibilities. Finalizing archive DVDs, for example, has all the creative input of stabbing myself in the hand with an ink pen. Actually, check that, a good ink pen stab can at least be a little creative.

However, blogging is also quite possibly my lowest priority responsibility-wise, only slightly above eating lunch and periodically using the restroom facilities. Scott knows this, and he also knows I was juggling extra responsibilities on both Friday and Monday, with Mike being out of the newsroom and some breaking news rearing it's relevant head. So, I'm going to chock his words up to friendly encouragement. Then, as you've now witnessed, I'm going to throw a little grief right back at him here on the Internet, when he's out of the newsroom and unable to defend himself.

"New post, buddy. Hope you like it." :)

* Bible reading marathon on Italian TV! You know, I'm disappointed that Lost isn't coming back for a few months, too, but surely there's something a little more exciting to keep us busy in the interim.

* Starbucks denies wasting water! Now, wasting money, wasting time, wasting our ability to decide what does and doesn't matter in this life? The jury's still out on those...

* There's more doom and gloom on the world economic stage. Things look a little better today, but there's still this pervading feeling that we're all going to die penniless. Now, I've been more or less penniless for as long as I can remember, so it doesn't necessarily affect me. Of course, I did spend the opening couple 'graphs ripping on one of my bosses, so you factor in my impending unemployment and.... well, you get the idea.

* Suddenly Africa is looking pretty cool. Not only does the country not have a stock market, but they also get a cool light show today.

* Need to test yourself on the US Presidential election? Well, check out this British news site for a great quiz on the subject. Nothing like going overseas for the good news right here at home.

* The White House flips the bird at Oklahoma. I bet things would be different if we had been a battleground state.

*Bill Murray is considering Ghostbusters 3! This is the greatest news in the entire world, at least until I find some story about Batman. However, Murray claims Ghostbusters 2 was not very good, a point I take serious issue with. How dare he speak ill of Vigo! Murray is like the buzzing of flies to him!

* Ever wonder what a Subway restaurant looks like in Sweden? Wonder no more!

* South Korea dismisses North Korea. These guys are like the Hatfields and the McCoys of the world stage, and we all know how well that story ends.

* 1 in 4 mammals doomed to extinction. NOT IT!

* Sega releases an electronic plant. ... ... ... ... Wow, I've got nothing.

* Finally, Batman!

Guns and follow-up and last minute changes...

Sharon, Brian, and Lee were at Booker T. Washington High School this morning, following up on yesterday's guns at school action. Guns at a school is one of those stories that can keep a newsroom busy for days. There's so much that can be born from that concept. School security, the ease of purchasing a firearm, and whether or not that "shoot the water into the mouth of the clown" game at the Fair actually helps firearm aim are all ideas this single event from yesterday could lead to.

About mid-morning, the principal at Booker T. decided he'd had enough of our presence on his campus, and told the crew to get off the property. He told us this about a minute and a half before Sharon was supposed to go live. Lee called me quick. "We have to break down and move."

I jumped on the two-way with Lydia, producer for the 7am hour. "Float the shot!"

I heard her telling the rest of the crew in the booth and on the set. "We're floating Sharon!"

And suddenly, with only seconds to spare, content was moved around to fill the hole. If you didn't notice anything at home, then everyone here did their job right. That's sort of the litmus test for how well crises are handled here, whether or not you notice. If you think everything's fine, we win.

* AIDS traced back nearly 100 years! This is the perfect time to mention the AIDS Walk, coming up a week from Saturday. This epidemic has only been prevalent in the public consciousness for under thirty years, so if this 100 year realization is accurate, we've been seriously slacking. So, get your butt out there on 10/11, get some exercise, and let's find a cure!

* More pirates in the news! Next up, ninjas!

* Okay, I will wait for ninjas as long as I can have medieval weaponry in the meantime.

* Hey, guess what? You now have New Year's plans! Lucky you! Say hi to Wayne for me.

* The new promo poster for the next Harry Potter has me really excited about the upcoming movie. I didn't even know the Purple One taught at Hogwarts!

* The perfect refrigerator for roommates has finally been created! Where was this when I was in college? My buddy Brian still owes me 15 gallons of milk and 212 bags of Ramen.

* LA train crash may be connected to text messaging. Is that why he never replied?

* One half of Outkast starts his own clothing line! He's probably not going to be happy with me still calling him "one half of Outkast," but that's how I'll always remember him.

* Speaking of Andre Benjamin (woops), out of the new pro-voting ads showing up, his is the lamest. A bowtie? Seriously? Just take it out of your mouth. Then go vote. Not rocket science, people.

* George Clooney doesn't regret being Batman! Well, that's too bad, George, because the rest of us sure do...

* Finally, looks like I may have found my next job. Wish me luck, folks!