Conservative blogger/hot air blower Michael Bates is proof that blogging is simply a high-tech way to waste people's time.
Check out Bates' latest post. Therein, Bates waxes nostalgic on the eateries around 61st and Peoria. What has him thinking about that part of town? Is it the changing landscape? Is it new developments?
No, it's a stabbing. A man, a solider no less, was stabbed in the leg overnight, and Bates comments on the awful incident by saying, "Taco Mayo, KFC, Sonic and Lot-A-Burger were on Peoria."
Seriously? A man preparing to head overseas and fight to defend American ideals is critically wounded before he even leaves the state, and the best Bates can do is muse over eateries? And crappy eateries at that? Local Table is just down the road, why didn't he ponder that place instead of freaking KFC?!?!
Now, don't misunderstand, I know fully well the DB! is a hack job. I'm putting free time to use while filling back matter for the day I finally find a purpose for this silly little piece of Internet space. I have no honest dreams of merit, no delusions that my words are anything more than nonsensical amusement. But I've met Bates. He seems to earnestly believe he matters in the grand scheme, and that his words have power. He is a respected local upstart in many circles, and some news people (not FOX23, thank God) actually turn to him on purpose for insight and commentary.
So, how does he spend his social capital? He blabbers on about fast food joints. And what made him think about local junk food peddlers? A stabbing. A knife slices into skin, muscle, and sinew, and Bates uses it to remember KFC. And Taco Mayo. Seriously? Taco Mayo. The taco place that makes Taco Bell look "classy." Wow, the words "pontificating jackass" never seemed so poignant.
Stay away from Michael Bates, and don't ever read his words. The DB! is dumb sometimes, sure, but at least it's dumb on purpose. Batesline is dumb without even realizing it.
And that makes it the dumbest of all.
-h
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
House-cleaning...
I'm single-handedly keeping the Kleenex company in business. Around the newsroom, it may be suggested that I do this through constant use of their fine paper products on my person. This week I am particularly in need of their tender goodness. However, my newsroom brethren would be wrong. I keep the company in business through the delicate art of toiletpaperin', where full rolls of the satiny soft substance are used to decorate homes and trees in my neighborhood.
...
I really need to stop using the prescription cough syrup before work.
File Under:
Stuff you can't afford: Your own luxury submarine!
Not quite science: G4 is reporting that wine and marijuana may help with Alzheimer's. Besides being the first time the wacky weed has been associated with helping memory, this report has an overall feeling of being less-than-official. I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps it has something to do with it being reported by the freakin' video game channel. Just a theory...
Weird inventions: This is actually useful for people in tiny apartments; an adjustable, movable desk. However, since all my readers (read: both of them) are in Tulsa, where even the studio apartments are upwards of 1200 square feet, it seems a little pointless.
Fake news: Our dearly beloved President Bush has some closing thoughts.
What recession?!: Dr. Dre has released professional-quality headphones with a pricetag of $150. However, the only people who can afford to blow that kind of money on headphones already have a pair. They got them last time they were in the studio with Dre.
Everything's better with facial hair: For the follicle-challenged, I offer you a free beard. With styles to choose from!
...
I really need to stop using the prescription cough syrup before work.
File Under:
Stuff you can't afford: Your own luxury submarine!
Not quite science: G4 is reporting that wine and marijuana may help with Alzheimer's. Besides being the first time the wacky weed has been associated with helping memory, this report has an overall feeling of being less-than-official. I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps it has something to do with it being reported by the freakin' video game channel. Just a theory...
Weird inventions: This is actually useful for people in tiny apartments; an adjustable, movable desk. However, since all my readers (read: both of them) are in Tulsa, where even the studio apartments are upwards of 1200 square feet, it seems a little pointless.
Fake news: Our dearly beloved President Bush has some closing thoughts.
What recession?!: Dr. Dre has released professional-quality headphones with a pricetag of $150. However, the only people who can afford to blow that kind of money on headphones already have a pair. They got them last time they were in the studio with Dre.
Everything's better with facial hair: For the follicle-challenged, I offer you a free beard. With styles to choose from!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Finding a purpose, and a little about the editors
So, Mike called me out on the inane nonsense that has dominated this blog as of late. He read an entry, forwarded to him via Scott the Evil Producer, and mocked me mildly for its contents. He's right, I've been slipping, and what was once a proud and beautiful place to learn of the behind-the-scenes goings on of the news industry has devolved into my own platform for bad jokes, inter-office abuse, and links to junk you don't care about anyway.
So, let's talk about FOX23 News Daybreak. Today I want to tell you about the editors, Henry and Steven. These two guys are some of the first people I see in the morning, and their work and mine overlap many times over the course of the morning.
Editors are responsible for cutting the video and audio content to fit the needs of the show's script. This means seamlessly blending pieces of video together, making sure audio doesn't run too long or too short, and ensuring that every time the anchors are talking about something, you're seeing it (and not something else!) on screen. It's a busy and thankless job, and you'll hear "I need an editor to call the control room!" hollered over the PA system at least once most days. What you don't hear a lot of is, "Good job, Henry." So, let me go ahead and say it. Good job, Henry, and good job, Steven. You guys rock.
I see other editors over the course of the day, Winking and Newbury come to mind, but they're not on Daybreak, and this is a Daybreak blog, so we will conveniently ignore them. Maybe if Mike every starts his own blog (The 5and9!) he can talk about them.
And now we return to our regularly scheduled nonsense.
FILE UNDER:
Inflation:
You can now wrap your gifts in legal currency! These sheets of 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, and even 50 dollar bills cost more than a stack of the same number of bills. However, if you're wrapping your gifts in money, you don't care how much it costs. Also, you're probably an idiot.
80s video games rock:
Remember those awesome Nintendo games when you were a kid? Or maybe you were a 20-something? Heck, I don't know how old my readership is. Pre-school? anyway, here's some of the best poor translations from the old NES days.
Vinyl is making a comeback:
I guess Sleevefacers are some kind of new "too much time on my hands" movement, where people stand behind album covers and make it look like it's them on the cover! Or something! I don't really get it, but it's cool to look at.
Drinks on me:
Apparently, December 1st was National Bloody Mary day. Of course, it was probably overshadowed by World AIDS Day. How dare a worldwide movement to raise awareness of the tragedy of AIDS host its day on the same day as some tomato-based drink. Priorities, people! Okay, honestly, having a day for a drink is idiotic, and I hope you all donate to an AIDS charity. Once you've done that, though, have a drink.
Play some tunes:
Paste Magazine, which I've never heard of and is probably not about eating paste, has a best of 2008 music list. My version of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" did not make the list. However, other bands did.
The most depressing thing involving plumbers I've ever seen:
Words cannot describe the LSD-infused insanity of this artwork. Look at your own risk.
So, let's talk about FOX23 News Daybreak. Today I want to tell you about the editors, Henry and Steven. These two guys are some of the first people I see in the morning, and their work and mine overlap many times over the course of the morning.
Editors are responsible for cutting the video and audio content to fit the needs of the show's script. This means seamlessly blending pieces of video together, making sure audio doesn't run too long or too short, and ensuring that every time the anchors are talking about something, you're seeing it (and not something else!) on screen. It's a busy and thankless job, and you'll hear "I need an editor to call the control room!" hollered over the PA system at least once most days. What you don't hear a lot of is, "Good job, Henry." So, let me go ahead and say it. Good job, Henry, and good job, Steven. You guys rock.
I see other editors over the course of the day, Winking and Newbury come to mind, but they're not on Daybreak, and this is a Daybreak blog, so we will conveniently ignore them. Maybe if Mike every starts his own blog (The 5and9!) he can talk about them.
And now we return to our regularly scheduled nonsense.
FILE UNDER:
Inflation:
You can now wrap your gifts in legal currency! These sheets of 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, and even 50 dollar bills cost more than a stack of the same number of bills. However, if you're wrapping your gifts in money, you don't care how much it costs. Also, you're probably an idiot.
80s video games rock:
Remember those awesome Nintendo games when you were a kid? Or maybe you were a 20-something? Heck, I don't know how old my readership is. Pre-school? anyway, here's some of the best poor translations from the old NES days.
Vinyl is making a comeback:
I guess Sleevefacers are some kind of new "too much time on my hands" movement, where people stand behind album covers and make it look like it's them on the cover! Or something! I don't really get it, but it's cool to look at.
Drinks on me:
Apparently, December 1st was National Bloody Mary day. Of course, it was probably overshadowed by World AIDS Day. How dare a worldwide movement to raise awareness of the tragedy of AIDS host its day on the same day as some tomato-based drink. Priorities, people! Okay, honestly, having a day for a drink is idiotic, and I hope you all donate to an AIDS charity. Once you've done that, though, have a drink.
Play some tunes:
Paste Magazine, which I've never heard of and is probably not about eating paste, has a best of 2008 music list. My version of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" did not make the list. However, other bands did.
The most depressing thing involving plumbers I've ever seen:
Words cannot describe the LSD-infused insanity of this artwork. Look at your own risk.
Monday, December 1, 2008
I have 4 vacation days!
So, earlier this year, FOX23 was bought by one large company from another large company. That's about all you need to know to understand the rest of this post.
Anyway, I have four vacation days left that I have to use before the end of the year, or else I will lose them all to the vacation day Valhalla. That's Norse for H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. So, if I'm suddenly absent, it's because I took them.
So, as I was saying, I have............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
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Just kidding. I'm not taking them today.
I'm making some changes today. I'm enjoying my labeled links so much, I'm adding a bunch more. Also, instead of just screaming LINKS everytime we segue to our links section, I'm going to call it something new. You'll see changes in the coming days. Or not. Who knows. I've got vacation time. I' m sort a dun karing rite now n E way. hwfufbugrjkdf jkfe feifa b ianb api
LINKS!
oh, wait, we're not doing that anymore. How about....
FILE UNDER:
Smart people being stupid:
It's official, the US is in a recession, and has been since December '07. I love that it took almost a year for the National Bureau of Economic Research to figure out what every woman who drives a mini-van could have told you 6 months ago. Prices up? Wages down? Everyone scrounging for change? Recession. And I did that with a journalism degree. I officially refute economics on principle.
Fake news:
Speaking of you money, American Airlines will now be getting more of it! Lots more!
Winter Wonderland!:
This awesome sled works in winter or all year long. The secret is in not caring if you look dumb sledding in July.
Scott Pilgrim Watch:
Volume 5 of the seminal graphic novel series was finally solicited this month. In honor of its impending greatness, here's a classic scene from volume 3.
Scott's iPhone Needs:
This device, which will tell him how green he's being. Considering the guy smokes non-filtered cigarettes while riding cattle around the newsroom, towing his Humvee, I don't think he's going to do very well.
This Week in Batman:
Nothing! But considering he "died" last week, I imagine they need a week off.
Anyway, I have four vacation days left that I have to use before the end of the year, or else I will lose them all to the vacation day Valhalla. That's Norse for H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. So, if I'm suddenly absent, it's because I took them.
So, as I was saying, I have............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
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Just kidding. I'm not taking them today.
I'm making some changes today. I'm enjoying my labeled links so much, I'm adding a bunch more. Also, instead of just screaming LINKS everytime we segue to our links section, I'm going to call it something new. You'll see changes in the coming days. Or not. Who knows. I've got vacation time. I' m sort a dun karing rite now n E way. hwfufbugrjkdf jkfe feifa b ianb api
LINKS!
oh, wait, we're not doing that anymore. How about....
FILE UNDER:
Smart people being stupid:
It's official, the US is in a recession, and has been since December '07. I love that it took almost a year for the National Bureau of Economic Research to figure out what every woman who drives a mini-van could have told you 6 months ago. Prices up? Wages down? Everyone scrounging for change? Recession. And I did that with a journalism degree. I officially refute economics on principle.
Fake news:
Speaking of you money, American Airlines will now be getting more of it! Lots more!
Winter Wonderland!:
This awesome sled works in winter or all year long. The secret is in not caring if you look dumb sledding in July.
Scott Pilgrim Watch:
Volume 5 of the seminal graphic novel series was finally solicited this month. In honor of its impending greatness, here's a classic scene from volume 3.
Scott's iPhone Needs:
This device, which will tell him how green he's being. Considering the guy smokes non-filtered cigarettes while riding cattle around the newsroom, towing his Humvee, I don't think he's going to do very well.
This Week in Batman:
Nothing! But considering he "died" last week, I imagine they need a week off.
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