Gobble gobble gobble!

This is my favorite time of the year in the news business. Things are a little more light-hearted. Breaking news tends to be more infrequent. Silliness abounds. It's awesome.

For instance, today they taped a segment where Ron calls the Butterball hotline. Now, first things first, did you even know Butterball had a hotline? I sure didn't. Furthermore, do you know why people would even call it? I didn't. But now I do, and it was fun to watch Ron cut up a bit while dealing with Butterball reps and their awesome hold music! Although, admittedly, they played "Chocolate Rain," in the booth during the segment. I doubt that's what was really on the hold music.

I'm off tomorrow. Yahoo! So, when you see Sharon live somewhere (I know where, but you have to wait to find out) it's not my handiwork you see. It's Henry's. So, thank Henry.

Thanks, Henry!

Me? I'll be home sleeping. Or cooking. Some silly people are trusting me to make Thanksgiving dinner. Listen, you read my blog. Would you trust me to cook? I wouldn't, and I KNOW me.

Okay, let's get on to the links. However, before we start, I just want to wish all 5 of you who read this blog a safe and happy Thanksgiving. I hope you take a moment and consider what you're thankful for. Me? I'm thankful for Mike and Scott and Lee and Carrie and Sharon and Brian and Andrea and Lydia and Amanda and Henry and Stephen and Ron and Ann and LaDonna and Billy and Todd and Holly and Jeff and Taylor and Abbie and Kaci and everybody else. Pretty much all of FOX23. They rock. Most of all, I'm thankful for you, dear reader. You're the reason I'm doing this.

Well, okay, you and because Scott tells me I have to.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

And now, links!

Need an easy stuffing recipe? Here you go!

Wow. I never thought I needed to know how to make a stuffed Bantha, but I also didn't think I'd ever be thankful for Scott. Live and learn.

Scott's iPhone needs: to be a Blackberry Storm!

You know what? That's it. Turkey's a'callin'.
-h

Epic fail!

One of my favorite responsibilities is monitoring the other networks. Typically, I use their websites to do this, since in these days of breaking news the Internet has become the best place to bring news to the public right freaking now. However, in the rush to get it first, people often forget to get it right. I know, you'd think that would be priority #1. Often not so much.

Example: I see a story on a competitors website. Mike and I sent a photographer to the scene of the story earlier this morning, but the info on the competitors site is different than what our photographer got. So, Mike calls Tulsa PD and checks the information. Sure enough, we're right and the competition was wrong. So, Mike gets the scheudenfreudely satisfying feeling of proving the competition wrong. Sure, it's petty, but you realize we're in the news business, right? Telling the news, and telling it accurately, it's sorta what we do.

Ah, German words for "enjoy the epic fail of others." I love language. Don't you?

Anyway, links:

I find it ironic that the same day Scott the Evil Producer gives me more grief than usual about smoking is the same day CNN posts a story about a pill that may be as useful as Chemo in lung cancer patients. I won't be quitting this week. Hey, Scott, want a smoke? It's never too late to start!

Okay, here's a fun two-parter for you folks at home.
Here's how to properly handle a bridge.
And here's how NOT to.
See, The DB! Fun AND educational!

Lydia loves Star Trek: But she also loves Harry Potter!

Scott's iPhone Needs: To tell him when he's drunk. This isn't a joke, either. It's a deep, heartfelt attempt to help get him sober. All morning long I see him throwing back shots of hard liquor. Oftentimes, he is slurring his speech so bad the other producers can't understand. Just yesterday, he hurled on my desk. Hello? Is anybody buying any of this? Not a word? You think I'm just trying to get him in trouble? Fine.... Stupid precedent...

Holy Geez! It's a mutant! But it's a cute kitty mutant! That's a little bit better, right?

The Onion finally has a pharmaceutical designed just for me. And goth chicks.

Do you hate the Star Wars prequels? Yeah, most of us thinking, feeling humans do, and here's some more awesome reasons why!

If this wallpaper is even remotely affordable, I'm buying it.

No Batman this week. Although issue #681 comes out this week. Did you see that? 681?!?! There's more issues of Batman than countries in the world. More than combined dates of everyone I know. More than the amount of times women have swooned for Antonio Banderas. More than the number of husbands Elizabeth Taylor had.

But there's not, however, more issues of Batman than reasons Scott is evil. Not even close.

Linkstravaganza!

Oy vey! It's been a week around here. Breaking news abounds, Mike was sick yesterday, and there's a slim chance Katie may kill me. Of course, it's only Thursday, so it could still get infinitely worse.

So, in lieu of hanging myself with my own words, here's a million links to check out! If you need me, you'll find me under a desk, praying, and probably weeping.

Girl lives for months without a heart! Whether or not she's the tinman, undetermined.

China denies stealing US space secrets. Of course, admitting to stealing space secrets probably wouldn't be the best course of action. Typically, when stealing, it is wise to deny.

China moves to stem mass layoffs. I don't believe it. They like to lie.

Speaking of things I don't believe, atheists are running wild in America.

Russia says they see a chance to repair ties with the US. Um, let's see, you guys are the ones causing trouble, so of course you see the chance to repair. Reminds me of the guy who used to beat me up in gym class telling me he could help me with self-defense. Man, I hated that guy.

The Roots may be the new band on "Late Night." And in the process, lose all credibility!

Scott's iPhone needs: Some of these apps to be real!

Finally, a way to properly store pizza in a fridge. You know, just in case plates, tupperware, saran wrap, or tin foil are unavailable...

Tilt-Shift photography is all the rage. Um... I don't know how to make jokes about photography.

Recession hasn't got you down? Then waste some money on this, a caution sign poseable statue!

File under: Sarah Palin's dream come true. Drill, baby, drill.

But let's not leave out Tina Fey. Here's an option in case those black-frame glasses feel a little boring.

This week I'm obsessed with Bento! These two geeked out examples are why.

Lydia loves Star Trek: But the real question remains; does she know these facts about the new movie?!

All the recalls lately reminded me of this classic Onion article. Enjoy!

Going to see Twilight this weekend? Better bring this...

'Meh' added to the dictionary. Ironically, 'illiterate' and 'moron' removed.

The new GnR album drops this weekend. Chuck Klosterman has a review, and it's better than you'd think. Actually, EW, Rolling Stone, the Telegraph, and Time all seem to like it. Wait, what? Seriously? Wow....

Of course, you don't have to take their words for it. Check it out yourself here!

Finally, this week in Batman, I've got two of my favorite things together. Prince and the Bat-Family, living in perfect harmony.

Change you can believe in...

So, I'm excited about the new president. I'm excited about the new Star Trek movie. Of course, I'm excited about new menu items at Taco Bueno, which proves I'm easy to excite. However, I'm even more excited by the changes afoot here at the DB!, where in the spirit of these other changes, I'm going to make some of my own.

First and foremost, I'm renaming my iPhone App section, from the previously titled Scott's-iPhone-Makes-Me-Burn-With-A-Jealous-Rage-That-
Consumes-All-In-Its-Path-And-Reduces-All-Living-Things-
Including-Kittens-To-Dust, or whatever I called it, to Scott's iPhone Needs, so that after the colon I can simply write a link that answers the question and provides information.

For example:

Scott's iPhone Needs: Nudity!

Sorry, nothing to link to there. Maybe next time.

Also, I like that when abbreviated, the words spell SiN, which is what fuels Scott and his evil machinations, so it's all fitting into place.

Furthermore, I have solidified This Week in Batman as a recurring feature, and added a new feature in lieu of Lydia, our resident Star Trek fan.

So, no matter what you're interested in, the DB! is here to satiate you. Well, unless you want to talk about news. In that case you are SOL, buddy.....

What? Todd wants to talk to me? About what? oooooooohhhhhhh........


* A cure for AIDS?!?!?!?! Hang on, let me look out the window. Nope, there's not thousands upon thousands of people having sex in the street, so it must be a false alarm, or at the very least a bit premature.

What? Todd wants to talk to me, again?

* An unreleased Beatles track?!?!?!?!?!??! Hang on, let me look out the window. Nope, there's not thousands of people...... oh, you get the idea. This one may actually see mass production soon, though...

* Want that satisfying feeling of popping edamame out of the pod without all that pesky eating? Want, no more!

* Have no idea what edamame is? I'm here to help.

* Speaking of wikis, the one for the Colossus of Rhodes is pretty cool. See, the DB! is fun AND educational!

Okay, let's do the new stuff:

Scott's iPhone Needs: Several useless apps that are still too cheap not to buy!

Lydia Loves Star Trek: She's bound to love these light switch covers, which she can use to turn the lights off when she watches the trailer for the new Star Trek movie! Set phasers to squeeee!

This Week in Batman: Neil Gaiman, also known as the comic book writer novel fans think is cool, gets interviewed about his plans to write the "last Batman story." Right, and Superman's death took, too.

Finally, it was four years ago last week when we lost ODB. Let us remember him in his own words:

"I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Wu-Tang is for the children. We teach the children. Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is the best. I want you all to know that this is ODB, and I love you all. Peace!"

Truer words were never spoken.

A juggling act....

We're one of the few stations that combine assignment desk duties with liveshot duties. Most stations relegate live shot control to a musty, dusty back room, or a forgotten basement, or a shakey tower perched precariously above a moat. Or some fourth thing. But not us. We're rebels, and we laugh in the face of convention.

So, today, Mike and I juggled assignment editing with liveshot coordinating. It made for a fun hour, you call it 11am, where we were talking to Lee in the field, gathering information on various stories, while tuning in a microwave shot so he could beam back video and sound he's shot over the course of the day. Success is judged by how efficiently things get done, or at least it is in this blog post. We were successful. Lee fed back video of a house fire, gave us the details, fed back video and audio shot earlier of the food bank in North Tulsa, and then headed off to Jenks West Elementary for more video and audio.

Mike and I make a pretty good team, pretty much for this reason. We can juggle various responsibilities while stepping in and out of each other's way as needed. It's why this assignment desk functions pretty flawlessly most of the time, and it's why the rest of the room doesn't really give us any grief.

Or I'm completely in the dark and have no idea what's going on, but definitely one of the two.

* Mere days after Prop 8 turned thousands of married gay couples into simply "roommates" Connecticut throws it's hat into the gay marriage ring. I feel a mass exodus from CA to CT coming on. You'll be able to see them all on I-40 any day now.

* Wondering when the recently passed Tulsa Street Plan will hit your neighborhood? Wonder no more.

* Wanna see the world's most expensive animal crackers? Warning: They're doing it.

* Sean Kleefield has gathered all the election day newspaper and online comic strips. Where? Here.

* Scott's still buzzing about his iPhone, and I'm still barely containing my rage. However, it has led to the creation of a new feature here on The DB!, the "I Hate Scott's iPhone App Update." Today's IHSiAU: Use your iPhone to control the lights in your home.

Monday mutterings...

So, admittedly, my blogging may have been less than consistent last week. I have good reasons, though. I was knee deep in the new world order, a crazy place where Obama is President-elect, and Scott still works here. Oh well, I suppose half a victory is a victory nonetheless.

Scott got an iPhone last week. I know this because he comes by my desk every 45 seconds to show me the latest "app" he's downloaded. I've watched him find restaurants here in town, scratch a pseudo-turntable over his favorite hip-hop hits, and light a fake Zippo and offer to light my cigarette. I want an iPhone, I admit it, but only after they develop the app that creates an electric fence around my person, or sends out an EMP to make Scott's iPhone useless. Zap, pow, oh, I'm sorry, did your iPhone just become a paperweight? So sad....

* Winter's here, or at least it's on its way. I know this because I am cold and miserable, and not just the usual cold and miserable that comes with being bald, skinny, and cynical. It's a whole new cold and miserable, and it makes me wish there was snow so I could ball some up and chuck it at somebody. Oh, wait, nevermind, problem solved.

* George W. Bush is the most unpopular person on the planet. Okay, perhaps that honor still belongs to Snidely Whiplash, but surely George is 2nd.

* The Space Station is getting some improvements. Among the list of important additions, a system to turn urine into drinking water. Also on the list, a way to make me no longer want to be an astronaut.

* Finally, Obama is a superhero. Here's proof. Congratulations, Sir, and good luck.

AND MY ENDORSEMENT GOES TO..........

I wanted to endorse Batman, but that just seemed silly. After all, between fighting the Riddler, running Wayne Industries, and being a billionaire playboy with women constantly on either arm, how exactly would he have time to run the country? Also, rooftop battles with the Manbat would be a lot cooler than budget meetings, and keeping the Joker off the streets is a much better use of time than lengthy state dinners. So, Batman cannot receive my endorsement.

So, who should you vote for? Well, in all honestly, that's your decision, but I'd like to help you make it a little more intelligently. Check out Factcheck.org for accurate information on the candidates. After all, you have to vote today. Seriously, you need to get out there and exercise your right as an American and earn that democracy that you take for granted so easily the rest of the time. At the same time, however, voting blindly for whomever the loudest screaming crazy outside the polling place is endorsing just doesn't seem smart. You need to know why you're voting for a particular candidate. "Paul Tay said so," just isn't going to cut it.

However, my opinion is perfect, so feel free to vote for whomever I tell you to vote for. And I'd like to give my endorsement now.

This candidate has remained under the radar for most of the election. However, he has consistently emerged at the most inopportune times to constantly aggravate me and fuel my burning rage. He is educated and skilled, but somehow has let those important elements fall to the wayside in lieu of a need to harass and malign my every move. He is Evil, truly a wicked man bent on upsetting the delicate nature of my day-to-day employment. So, I need to get him out of here.

That is why I'm endorsing SCOTT LEVY, EP (EVIL PRODUCER) for President. I have no idea whether he will make a good president, but I need him to not be here anymore, and locking him in the Oval Office for the next four years will be a perfect way to accomplish this task.

Have a wonderful day, Tulsa, and help make my dream a reality.

All the best,
Hilton