AND MY ENDORSEMENT GOES TO..........

I wanted to endorse Batman, but that just seemed silly. After all, between fighting the Riddler, running Wayne Industries, and being a billionaire playboy with women constantly on either arm, how exactly would he have time to run the country? Also, rooftop battles with the Manbat would be a lot cooler than budget meetings, and keeping the Joker off the streets is a much better use of time than lengthy state dinners. So, Batman cannot receive my endorsement.

So, who should you vote for? Well, in all honestly, that's your decision, but I'd like to help you make it a little more intelligently. Check out Factcheck.org for accurate information on the candidates. After all, you have to vote today. Seriously, you need to get out there and exercise your right as an American and earn that democracy that you take for granted so easily the rest of the time. At the same time, however, voting blindly for whomever the loudest screaming crazy outside the polling place is endorsing just doesn't seem smart. You need to know why you're voting for a particular candidate. "Paul Tay said so," just isn't going to cut it.

However, my opinion is perfect, so feel free to vote for whomever I tell you to vote for. And I'd like to give my endorsement now.

This candidate has remained under the radar for most of the election. However, he has consistently emerged at the most inopportune times to constantly aggravate me and fuel my burning rage. He is educated and skilled, but somehow has let those important elements fall to the wayside in lieu of a need to harass and malign my every move. He is Evil, truly a wicked man bent on upsetting the delicate nature of my day-to-day employment. So, I need to get him out of here.

That is why I'm endorsing SCOTT LEVY, EP (EVIL PRODUCER) for President. I have no idea whether he will make a good president, but I need him to not be here anymore, and locking him in the Oval Office for the next four years will be a perfect way to accomplish this task.

Have a wonderful day, Tulsa, and help make my dream a reality.

All the best,
Hilton